


Connecting Souls

by Lunaztorta



Category: Lego Ninjago, The LEGO Ninjago Movie (2017)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Bruiseshipping Freeform, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Gay Sex, Lavashipping Freeform, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Oppositeshipping Freeform, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Plasmashipping Freeform, Polyamory, Sex, Sex Toys, Slow Burn, Technoshipping Freeform, Trans Zane, human zane, polyninja - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23527744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunaztorta/pseuds/Lunaztorta
Summary: This work had been largely inspired by @lime_kitty's stories, which I warmly recommand.With this story I wish I could give back some of the joy I felt reading her books and hope other people may be entertained as well.
Relationships: Cole/Kai/Jay Walker/Zane
Comments: 20
Kudos: 61





	1. Dating App

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lime_kitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lime_kitty/gifts).



> To @lime_kitty. Thank you again for everything :3  
> Enjoy the very, very slow burn <3

Zane looked down at his phone, perplexed. His blue eyes were fixed on the screen, eyebrows slightly furrowed, while the dating app was downloading. His best friend was sitting nearby on the couch, looking at the blond boy intently. Silence filled the bright room.

Lawrence took a deep breath. He somehow convinced Zane to do that. He actually couldn't believe it.

They were friends for almost a decade now. He'd been there in every up, down and turn of events through Zane's life. Man, he'd known the boy even before he became a guy, when 'he' was a 'she'. He'd been the first one to know about his friend's distress, on that New Year's night of five years ago.

They hadn't been in touch for a couple of months before that day. Although their break up had been a friendly one, both of them had a lot to think through and mutually decided not to see each other, nor to stay in touch. Lawrence had been surprised to see on his phone Zoe's notification message pop up a little bit before midnight, inviting him to join her and other friends.

He couldn't help but smile, he missed her a lot. Despite everything that happened between the two of them he still thought the girl was an amazing person to have around. He knew they could still be friends, due to Zoe's open mind and mature attitude. It took him no longer than a second to answer her he was on his way.

When he joined the little party, he felt that something was... off. Zoe greeted him with a smile definitely happy to see him, hugging the boy tight and wishing him a happy new year. He couldn't help but notice that her scent was different, she wore a way more masculine perfume than usual. Her clothes weren't right as well. She was dressed in a blue man's suit a little too large for her figure, with a red scarf.

But in the haze of the party his attention drifted to the alcohol he was given and soon got lost in small chats with the others outside the pub. Sometimes he would look at the girl, discovering her blue eyes glued to him, her body fidgety for some unknown reason.

He knew something was cooking up in Zoe's mind, after three years and a half together he could read pretty well the girl and he knew better not to push her if he wanted some answers. Eventually she approached him, pulling at his sleeve.

"Can I have a word with you...?" She spoke softly, averting her gaze.

"Sure," he replied.

She made a little smile and walked off from the street full of people, looking for a more quiet place where to talk.

The town they lived in wasn't that big and in a couple of minutes they were sitting on a bench in the poorly lit public garden admits the dark buildings. Her distress increased, her hands torturing in her lap. Still she couldn't bring herself to look at Lawrence straight in the eye. The boy waited a little bit, before nudging her slightly.

"Tell me, what's up?" Finally prompted, he was starting to worry.

Zoe finally looked up at him, slightly biting down her lower lip.

"What if..." She managed to say, before falling silent.

Lawrence scooted a little bit closer, wrapping her cold hands in one of his larger ones.

"What if...?" Repeated the boy in a whisper.

The girl remained quiet for a while, before speaking up again.

"I had been thinking a lot... during these months. I though a lot about why it didn't work for us. And then it hit me. Damn, I feel so stupid..." She laughed nervously shaking her head before continuing. "The signals had been there for all my life. I just... couldn't read them, I never ever took into consideration that I might be... uh..."

Another little pause. They both fell quiet, while Zoe gathered courage to speak again.

"What if... what if I'm not a girl. What if... I was a boy."

Lawrence froze, his eyes wide, his head spinning. He replayed in his mind all those memories about all those little details that were always been odd in the girl. One above all, how much she despised her chest, how much she was ashamed of it. Of course! It all made a lot of sense now! How could he have been such an idiot not to notice it in the first place? Before he could even think of a reply, she rushed him with new words.

"I'm... I'm so sorry Lawrence. It's my fault. It's all my fault," she sobbed quietly close to him. "Of course it couldn't work between us. I pushed it all on you, while it was me being a big mess. How was supposed our relationship to go on if you like girls when I'm not one? I'm so stupid, stupid!"

She - or rather he, raised a hand to his temples, massaging them with his long fingers.

"No," said Lawrence before his friend could blame himself again, knowing about his usual self destructive behaviour, "I'm sorry. It was me that often pushed you into being more feminine for my own sake, ignoring your feelings about it." He paused, his turn to bite down his lip as more uncomfortable memories about him being, in retrospective, a real dick rushed to his head. "Now I know I've only been hurting you all that time. I'm the one who should apologize."

The blonde raised his head, locking his blue eyes with the brown ones of his friend.

"I'm sorry," he repeated in a soft murmur.

Zoe sobbed harder, a new feeling blooming in his chest. Forgiveness. For Lawrence and for himself. He couldn't hold it against his ex any more, as he couldn't keep torturing his own soul. He missed him so, so much, even though he didn't realized it till that very moment. Something maddening heavy was lifted off his heart, it was like breathing for the first time, simultaneously painful and liberating. A smile, a real one, broke on his lips amidst the tears. He knew he could trust him.

He flung his arms around the other's neck, squeezing him into a tight embrace.

Lawrence returned the hug at once, letting his friend cry and cool off from the roll-coaster of emotions. For sure it hadn't been easy for him, the boy had never been eager to expose the most inner part of his heart. He hugged tighter, he wanted to let the other feel how much he still cared about him, that nothing had changed. That he still loved him regardless everything.

He patiently waited till the shrugs of his shoulders faded away with his tiny sobs, gently rubbing his hands all over his back. When he was sure his friend had recovered, a smile cracked his face.

"Welp, now that you told me, it all makes a lot of sense!" Lawrence voiced his previous thought in a silly voice, his jokester personality emerging trying to drop the tension.

Zoe chuckled into the crook of his neck, lessening a little bit the hug to look at him.

"Did you already think about your new name?"

"As a matter of fact, I did." The boy nodded, reaching out a hand to his face to dry his tears.

Now it was Lawrence's turn to chuckle. Of course he already did. When it came down to thinking through things he was the best, he wouldn't miss the tiniest detail.

"So, how shall I call you from now on?"

"Zane."

<><><><><>

"Hmm."

The soft hum brought Lawrence back to his living room in the present. He didn't realize he was spacing off. His eyes returned to Zane, but the boy was so focused typing something on the screen that he doubted the blonde noticed his temporary absence.

He tilted his head, looking at the boy in front of him.

Since that day, they became the best of friends. After Zane came out to him, he was simply different. They talked a lot that night, the blonde even stayed at his place for the couple of hours remaining to the break of dawn. Lawrence couldn't miss the confidence, the new light burning in those blue eyes. Zane was already set into his future, as if his metamorphosis was already complete.

Maybe that's why it had been so easy for him to separate Zoe from Zane, the past from the present, his ex-girlfriend from his dearest friend. It had been like meeting the guy for the first time in his life, with the perks of knowing him like the back of his hand.

A hand raised to fix his ginger beard. He wanted to say something, but as usual he knew better than interrupting the thinking processes of his buddy. He smiled instead, looking at how Zane was steadily growing more and more restless as the reality of having a dating app installed on his device slowly sank in.

 _'It's about time we find you a love interest, whether you like it or not,'_ the ginger thought to himself, the smile growing bigger.

At the very beginning of his journey into the transition, when Zane still had the breast and all the jazz, it made sense that the boy wasn't looking for a romantic relationship. With that new awareness about himself the mere thought of being touched by someone made him shiver, so Lawrence didn't push it too much. Although he often had to remind him that of course he would have been able to find a boyfriend, even with _'that body'_.

After all the papers, psychologist and lawyers, he could finally start T. When their working schedules allowed it, he gladly accompanied his friend to the hospital to get the shots. He still did sometimes.

It had been fascinating to observe how Zane's body did change, in a very subtle way, almost gone unseen. Listening to his voice deepen as time passed by, noticing that he had to shave his facial hair every now and then, seeing how his muscles gained a bit more definition... everything made Lawrence very proud of his friend.

When Zane got hospitalized in another city to get his top surgery, his best friend followed him without hesitation.

There was his dad too, although due to working reasons couldn't stay there the whole time. Mr. Julien had been really grateful to Lawrence for being there in those weeks. The very day of the operation they had been waiting right outside the door, clasping their hands together in a silent prayer, that everything would go for the best.

When the doctor came out from the surgery both jumped out of their seats. The doctor smiled, there were no complications.

Tears of joy were freely displayed.

Right after the surgery Zane was groggy from the anaesthesia. But still, even through the ache and the foggy mess that was his mind, Lawrence clearly remembered that the first thing the boy did had been looking down at his now flat chest. He would never forget the gasp immediately followed by a pained moan, as tears gathered in those blue eyes.

He had never seen Zane cry that much.

The doctor said it was common to suffer some kind of depression after top surgery. "Women's breast produce hormones," he would say. "His body needs some time to adjust to the lack of them."

But deep inside of him, Lawrence didn't believe those words. He was firmly convinced that the blonde was crying all of his emotional pain out of his body, to prepare himself for his new life untainted by it. He cried as he waved Zoe goodbye, thanking her for enduring all the trials that life threw at her, bringing him to that hospital bed. She suffered so much, but she did so well.

It took a month before they got home. Zane was radiant.

Pain was nowhere to be seen on his features.

 _'Well, until now,'_ Lawrence's amusement grew deeper.

"Remember me again the reason I accepted to do this," Zane grumbled, adding a long sigh at the end. His eyes flicked away from the screen for the first time since he did start the download, looking straight into the dark brown ones of his friend.

The smile on the boy's face grew into a grin at his discomfort.

"Because," he paused dramatically to give some more emphasis to his words leaning towards the blonde. "You have been single for five years. Five. Years." He punctuated the last two words. Zane's lips broke apart ready to counter, but his friend interjected before he could. "No! I will not grant you permission to say a word. Don't give me that crap again about feeling fine like this; you might fool someone else, but not me. I know you."

Zane pursed his lips, slightly annoyed. Since that day last week when he had been caught with a longing gaze while stealing a glance at Lawrence kissing and being all lovey-dovey with his new girlfriend, the boy wouldn't let him live. What was more annoying, though, was that he was right. Zane's heart had been aching lately, craving for some love. But...

No retort was coming from the other so the ginger continued. "And since you barely go out of your home, you never go to parties, never engage conversation with a stranger outside work and you're overall socially awkward, the most _logic_ ," he put a little bit more emphasis on that particular word, "solution is a dating app. This one is very good. You only have to insert your data, a description and a picture of yourself, other stuff like your gender, what are you looking for, preferences... and the algorithm makes it happen. All from your couch!"

Two blue orbs were intently staring at him. Lawrence shrugged, another smile on his face. He knew he got his friend. Nothing could convince Zane more than some old, good, logical reasoning. The blonde sighed another time, fixing his gaze on his phone again, unlocking it.

"I don't think I have any pictures of myself." He fumbled with his slender fingers on the screen, looking for the folder of his camera roll.

Lawrence laughed expecting such an answer. He wondered for a moment if Zane was even aware of what a selfie was as he dropped his eyes on the couch, looking for his own device. "Don't worry, I have plenty of them, " he giggled, finally finding what he was looking for and unlocking his phone as well. "Hey, what about that picture with the unicorn pyjama?"

Zane raised an eyebrow, unsure about what to reply. He didn't know what kind of pictures could be fitting for such a task. "I like that picture, but are you sure I could use it?" His voice was quivering a bit. Ignorance always made him uncomfortable. Dear Lord, how much he desired a book with clear instructions about how to set up a neat dating app account at that right moment.

"If you like it, then you must use it," Lawrence assured him, sending his friend said picture.

He searched Zane's eyes, waiting for his friend to look up back at him. When he did, the ginger boy displayed a soft and reassuring smile. "Don't worry too much buddy. Try not to overthink it as you always do. Just... be yourself. Simply show what you have inside. You have a sharp mind, a gentle soul and a passionate heart. You are a beautiful person." His hand reached out till it rested on the blonde's arm and squeezed it.

Zane had his cheeks flushed by the sudden compliments. He averted his gaze, a little thank you escaping his lips.

Lawrence squeezed him to grab his attention again. "I know it might be out of your comfort zone and that it could take some time. But why don't you give it a little chance?"

The boy closed his eyes pondering for a little. He took a deep breath, looking into himself. He knew why. And he knew the day would have come for him to fight his inner daemons too. Silence slowly filled the room again, the only sounds coming from outside. Zane focused his mind on his physical sensations, away from the darkest places of his mind. He felt the summer sun spilling through the window gently warming up his pale skin. It felt nice, it felt like a good omen.

"Okay," he said eventually. "Let's do it."


	2. Doubts

_'Wow he's taking it seriously,'_ thought Lawrence.

The boys were working on that account for a while now, slowly filling in all the empty spaces with Zane's generalities and preferences. They were at the point where the blonde one had to answer a very large list of questions to allow the algorithm to work better with the match making. It hadn't been troublesome at first, there were a lot of inquiries like 'Do you smoke?', 'Would it bother you if your partner smoked?', 'Do you drink?' or 'Are you religious?' etc. It got a lot better for Lawrence, and a lot worst for Zane, as the content of the mentioned question began to get more and more sexual related.

Lawrence stole a look at his friend's face repressing a giggle as the blonde groaned for the umpteenth time. He craned his head over his phone, checking the yet another offending source of Zane's agitation.

“What is it now?” He asked, trying not to sound too amused.

Zane snorted shooting him a glare. He knew his best friend was having the time of his life at the moment, but refrained himself from scolding him. He knew the boy was only trying to help him after all. The blonde shook his head, reading anew the question on the screen.

“How is it this an important information while looking for a potential partner?” He muttered in dismay, holding out his hand for Lawrence to read better.

“Hmm _'Would you swallow your partner's cum after oral sex?'_ ” The ginger read out loud, pausing at the end. Zane felt hot, his ears where burning. “So, would you or would you not?” He asked him, without hiding the playful smirk on his face.

“You know the answer,” his friend remarked a bit too loud. He froze for a moment and took in a little breath to calm himself down. When at first he agreed to download the dating app, he couldn't imagine that all this account setting stuff could become such a difficult – and embarrassing task. “I simply don't see how this info could be relevant in an initial approaching phase. You don't go at first dates asking stuff like that.” The blonde blinked several times trying to process and reason this kind of scenario into his head, only to gain another gleeful laugh from his peer.

“You know you can skip the question, right?”

“I am aware,” Zane replied, lightly touching the button 'skip' on the bottom of the screen. “I simply wanted to point out how all of this is already starting to get ridiculous.”

“What would you know, maybe for someone else it's a very important trait to look for in a partner,” the ginger commented. He eyed his buddy before poking his cheek with his index finger. “C'mon Zane, sulking doesn't suit your pretty face. Where is all your legendary patience gone? I know you're not too much into it, but it's not enough of a reason to say that everything is ridiculous.”

Zane tilted his head away and rolled his eyes, but he didn't bicker back. He was self-conscious about his moodiness. The app finished loading a new inquiry and he fixed his eyes on the screen anew.

“Oh, c'mon, seriously?” He abruptly blurted out with a strained voice.

Lawrence really, really, like really wanted to tease Zane a little more but decided against it if he wanted all that dating app thing to survive. It was definitely time for a break for his buddy if the blonde was starting to loose his usual calm composure. He stood up from the couch, his arms stretching over his head. He exactly knew what could cheer his bestie up.

“Hey pal, would you like some tea?”

Zane promptly closed the app and locked his phone down, eager to forget about all that big mess he'd been caught into for the time being. “Yes, please,” he immediately replied, nearly springing up from the sofa as if it was suddenly turned into burning lava. “May I help you out?”

<><><><><>

Zane got finally home after that long and mentally exhausting afternoon.

He was searching for his keys in the pocket of his jeans, all while going up the stairs that led to his flat. He stopped in front of the door, a smile blooming on his lips as he could hear a muffled sound behind it.

“Yes Leo, I'm back,” he murmured softly inserting the key to unlock the door. Before getting in though he put his leg at the opening to prevent any flights.

As soon as he disclosed the door he slipped inside, pushing back the big meowing white tabby cat. He swiftly closed the entrance behind him, immediately crouching to meet with his free hand the head of his purring pet. Leo took no time to lie down and stretch on the floor, its eyes lidded with pleasure as Zane scratched behind its ears. A little giggle escaped the boy's lips as he looked up to search down the short hallway. His eyes soon spotted another pitch black cat sitting stiff on its back legs, looking at him intently as if in disapproval.

“Hi Amelia. It's good to see you too,” he greeted.

Amelia in response got up, disappearing into the kitchen. Zane chuckled. “You always play hard to get.”

He was still cuddling Leo, the cat didn't seem to want to get away anytime soon. His hand slowly scooted down its body, making it stop purring. As Zane made to reach its belly the cat sharply jerked, curling itself around his fingers trying to bite him down. The boy laughed, making some stupid noises as he playfully fought against the pet getting himself a new pair of little scratches. Eventually Leo yanked back getting on its four legs to make a run for the kitchen too. The blonde smiled wide, getting up to lock the door behind him and putting away the keys.

This little routine always filled Zane's heart. Amelia and Leo were by all mean his family.

He never met his mother for she died giving him birth. As he discovered later while looking at some old pictures, he didn't resemble her too much except for those piercing ice blue eyes. He couldn't really say he missed her. How could you miss someone you never had into your life? And on the other hand his dad always made his best to fill in that absence. He never married again putting all his love and effort into raising his child, even though often had to hire a babysitter to help him out because of his work.

Zane pulled out his wallet to put it down beside the keys, entering into the small bathroom on his right. He made sure to wash thoroughly his hands before getting to the kitchen which served as living room as well to prepare dinner for himself. As he made his way to the fridge, Leo was immediately at his side again purring against his leg.

“I know, I know,” said the boy, opening the lid and searching for the raw chicken meat. Grabbing the package, he cast an affectionate gaze upon on his pet. “You're such a spoiled cat.”

After grabbing some more ingredients he turned back to put everything on the counter. The tabby cat hopped up as well, but Zane didn't chase it away. He took all that was necessary to cook, oiling a little bit the pan placed on the stove top. He then carefully washed the vegetables drying them out, before reaching for the chopping board and a sharp knife. He started slicing down the chicken in neat pieces of almost the exact same size, the cat closely watching him.

He felt a soft pressure at his ankle. Amelia was greeting him home at last. A little smile appeared as he breathed in and out softly. As he finished with the meat he started chopping onion and vegetables with the same care and patience.

Out of the chopping sound the little apartment was perfectly silent. Zane didn't really care; on the contrary it made him feel comfortable and safe. Into the silence he could relax and quiet his mind. He was used to solitude since he was a little child. The boy had always been considered weird and been mocked for it and never had too many friends, but even then it bothered him not too much. It had always been like he would suffice for himself. From his childhood and teen experiences though he learned not to trust others that easily.

Only once he truly felt the weight of loneliness, on the day his dad died two years prior to a fulminant illness. It had been numbing, it almost crushed his heart and shattered his soul, hadn't been for Lawrence.

But eventually that pain faded away too. Thinking about it now, he was so grateful that his father could at least witness his transition and that he had always been supportive and proud of the man he'd become.

Focused he continued cooking, letting his thoughts flow. He had saved some meat, putting it into a separate bowl. Leo meowed getting up, knowing that its little personal treat was finally arriving. Zane crouched again leaving it on the floor, gaining another soft nudge on his hand from the cat before it launched itself on the chicken. He took advantage of his position to check if the other steel bowls with croquettes and water needed some filling, but they were still fine.

In a short time he was sitting at the table eating his simple and light dinner. His eyes were fixed on the furniture in front of him without really seeing it. His mind was back at his friend's place, replaying what had happened during the afternoon as if he wanted to be sure not to have missed any important detail. He suddenly felt the weight of his phone yet resting in his pocket, making him uncomfortable.

A thin wrinkle appeared on his forehead, he shifted a bit on the chair. He was once again sceptical whether that dating app could work or not. It simply felt so wrong. How could you reduce to a left or right swipe the beautiful act of finding love? It seemed to him so impersonal and detached, like being at the grocery store choosing which kind of pasta you wanted to eat at night.

He took in a deep breath.

Yet, Lawrence wasn't completely wrong on the subject. Zane could distinctly see why his friend suggested him that solution. It was true him being almost shut off from the world. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy going out with his few friends, nor that he didn't want to meet new people. Quite the contrary.

But most people out there lacked what he at most longed for: depth. The boy mostly blamed the kind of environment set by modern times, guided solely on appearance and how much a person could own or do with money. He found the majority of people dull and shallow.

Everyone would show hundreds of picture of their amazing, super expensive last trip to a foreign country, listing everything they'd done, ate or bought, but few would actually talk about what that journey _meant_ to them, how it made them _feel_ , how the experience _enriched_ them. This society was all about displaying and not being. What sometimes would piss him off was that they wouldn't even be aware of what he considered such a simple concept.

He blinked once, focusing on his surrounding again as he felt two paws pressing against his leg. It took him a while to recover from his thoughts, realizing that the room had grown a lot darker as the sun was starting to set. He pushed the seat back to make some room for Amelia to hop and sit down on his lap. Leo was napping on the nearby chair. How much time had passed? As usual, he lost track of it. He caressed the soft black fur of the cat and it started purring closing its eyes as he proceeded to eat up his almost cold dinner. He let his mind wrap around other lighter matters although the thought of the dating app remained buzzing in the background of his brain.

When he was finished, Zane moved a little his leg upwards to signal Amelia that he was going to stand up soon. The cat stirred, taking some time to stretch before gracefully jump on the floor. They both had a lot of those little non verbal communications, build over time.

The boy promptly cleaned the kitchen from the little mess he did and decided to take a nice shower which hopefully could help him clear his mind. Stripping off his clothes, he couldn't avoid to take the phone out of his pocket. He looked at it for a moment, but there was no intermittent light to point out any notification. That was good. He breathed out slowly, his heart felt somewhat lighter. It hit him as he realized how much turmoil was already stirring into his routines all that affair. Annoyed he put the device down on the washing machine with a puff.

 _'Try not to overthink it as you always do,'_ he recalled Lawrence's words. He shook his head. Easier said than done. Honestly, sometimes he could swear his brain had been replaced by a computer impossible to shut off.

It took him longer than usual to get out of the bathroom. He found little relief from the shower, his mind wouldn't stop drifting at the urgent matter at hand. As much as he despised it, he still wasn't finished with what felt was his new burden. He still didn't add a description of himself on the account, which of course was crucial. His hands massaged the scalp underneath his silver blonde hair as a whimper escaped his lips.

“I know I will not sleep if I don't finish this right away,” he mumbled to himself. He tilted his head backwards, letting the hot water splash all over his face. Leaving unfinished business of any kind was simply not his cup of tea.

Something stirred inside of him and he felt a rush of determination. It was time to get this thing done. 'Business' had been the keyword to put everything in motion. When it came down to work he was unstoppable. He finally found the right mindset and strategy to face the problem.

A few moments later he was out of the bathroom, hair a little damp like his skin. He only wore a pair of black boxer, for even if the night had fallen and the temperature had slightly dropped it was still way too hot for him. He was enjoying the cooling sensation of the soft breeze coming from the open window. June had only begun and he already was yearning for September to arrive.

He lit the living room up and tapped the screen of the phone to check the battery level. He arched an eyebrow, thinking again. He traced his steps back in the hallway and into his room to retrieve the charger.

When everything was setted he sat on his couch. He moved a little the cushions to make himself comfortable, grabbing a very thin blanket to cover the upper part of his legs. As soon as he did Amelia appeared out of nowhere hopping up once again accepting his mute invitation. The cat knew it could nap longer this time, for before lying down it started to energetically knead his thighs, tickling Zane. The boy tried to hold still as little shivers ran up and down his spine. He squirmed his eyes shut, low restrained giggles escaping his lips. He started to softly rub the cat's head until it curled on his lap offering him its belly. Zane's body was relaxed again as he nested his hand on the cat's softest spot. Amelia enveloped him completely, and closed its eyes.

Zane was for a moment lost, his heart full of love for that tiny little thing. He craned his neck to check if Leo was still on his favourite chair, and it did. The cat looked back before yawning and turning around to proceed with its nap.

The boy let out a little sigh. It was time to begin.

The screen lighted up as he touched it to enter the password. He ran the app waiting patiently for it to display its content. Zane lifted his head, wondering what should he write. He was supposed to talk about himself, about stuff he liked offering other people hints to start a conversation. Both out of curiosity and to have some more guidelines about how he was supposed to compose the description, he decided to check other profiles first.

A little hope made it to the surface of his mind. Maybe a lot of introverts constantly avoiding social gatherings and struggling to find a special one would have come down to use these kind of apps. Usually introvert people were keen to look for depth in relationships just like him. He hung on that hope browsing the first profiles that popped up for him, showing profile pictures, name, generalities like gender and preferred pronouns and compatibility percentages based on the answers he had given that afternoon. That hope crushed soon.

He felt his body sink into the soft cushions.

More than half of the profile pictures shown to him were naked muscular bodies that didn't even show the face. Some had pictures of their own pets and some pictures of locations. What was worst, all the descriptions he read through were pointless and after scanning profile after profile they started to look all the same to him.

I love travelling.

I love reading.

I love cooking.

I love nature.

DM to know more about me ;)

I'm a free spirit.

My MBTI personality type is ...

He softly grazed Amelia's belly for some comfort. The cat didn't open its eyes but it started purring as it curled its paw around his wrist and letting out a long breath. The blonde kept browsing for a while, finding nothing interesting or worth being inspired by. Yet again, doubts filled his mind.

“I can't see how this could work Amelia,” the boy whispered. The cat flicked its ear. “But still, I promised Lawrence I would give it a try.”

He gently slipped out his left hand from the warm and furry shelter. He needed both of them if he wanted to type down faster – and sure he did. The boy opened the tab on his profile to enter the section where he could edit his description. He stared at the white screen for a while, his head suddenly empty. Zane couldn't bring himself up to start writing. What was even the point anyway? Everything on his previous research pointed out literally no one cared about that space. He could have leave it empty and nothing would have changed.

 _' Just... be yourself. Simply show what you have inside,'_ echoed in his head his best friend's words from the memories of the afternoon spent together. Something clicked. He had an idea.

Being a perfectionist and control freak as soon as he finished the first draft of the description he had to read it down several times, adding, deleting, changing, re-writing. It took several hours before he could say he was quite satisfied. He touched the button “save the changes”. The work was finally done.

It was well past midnight when he unplugged the charger to bring it back to his room. Amelia had disappeared an hour prior or so and Leo got up from the chair as soon as he did to follow him to his bedroom. Amelia was already there. The black cat shifted to glue itself at Zane's left side when the boy slipped underneath the blanket leaving all of his body out but his chest. The big tabby cat preferred to lay at his feet.

Zane stood still into the darkness, eyes pointed to the ceiling. He still had doubts about everything that concerned that matter. Nevertheless he smiled. He had a plan. A very good plan.

“Goodnight darlings,” he hummed before drifting into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being the first time I write a fanfic in English, I discovered it's really difficult XD  
> Hope you enjoyed the little sneak peak in Zane's life. For those who are wondering, yes, Amelia and Leo are my cats :3


	3. Interruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are ready for some steamy lava shipping XD  
> I'm not going to add warnings in the future, I love being surprised while reading, so shall you <3

The brunet moved lazily on his bed as he woke up, moaning in pleasure at the feeling of the sun warming up his caramel skin. He didn't open his eyes yet, trying to prolong his sleep further into the morning. Shifting more he suddenly felt uncomfortable. With drowsiness still clouding his mind he tried to focus on his limbs and how they where placed on the bed. The boy had proven several times he could sleep in the dumbest positions.

This time he was lying on his stomach, legs tangled with the bedsheets, head facing the window. He gave the input for his right hand to move, feeling it under the pillow. Okay. So that meant that it had to be his left arm to be trapped underneath his body, hand resting on his right hip.

He mumbled something unintelligible as he slowly slipped his arm from below his body, stretching it outwards to grope the crumpled bedsheets at his side. It took him a while before realizing there was an empty space. There shouldn't have been one. He eventually opened an eye, squeezing it shut right after to shelter it from the sudden brightness.

“Hmm, Cole...?”

Awareness kicking in, he turned his head on the pillow. He opened his moss green eyes again to find out that he was, indeed, alone. He frowned a little. That was unusual. Where did his boyfriend go? A faint sound coming from the bathroom provided him the answer. The noiret was taking a shower. He moaned again as he rolled on his back, taking his time to stretch his stiff body. A mischievous smirk appeared on his face.

“I could join him...” He breathed out with a long lustful sigh. Kai couldn't help but to bite down his lower lip at the thought of the hundreds of little drops of water running down Cole's muscular body, his jet black long wet hair sticking on his thick neck almost brushing his broad shoulders. He hummed again delighted, the sound escaping his thin lips turning into a depressed groan as he heard the shower turning off.

_'Oh well, plan B.'_

He still had a little time before the other boy would return from the bathroom. He untangled the bedsheets from his legs, turning on his stomach again. He craned his neck to look at the door, so he could nicely point his damn fine naked ass right towards it. When satisfied, he tactically placed the thin sheet back on one of his legs to cover himself up, but not too much. He bended the other limb on the blanket just enough and arched a bit his back so that his rear could go up and be perfectly in view. A hungry smile was painted on his face as he took the pillow hugging it, resting his head on it as he closed his eyes feigning sleep.

He hoped Cole would come back soon – in fact the brunet was already growing impatient. Although restless Kai resisted the temptation to move, he didn't want to ruin his lewd pose.

His mind wandered back to his boyfriend, a question still left unanswered. It was quite rare for Cole to wake up before he did. But he hadn't time to think about it too much, his lips twisting upwards unnoticed into the pillow, his body tensing with anticipation as he heard a choked gulp behind him.

“Fuck...” Cole's deep raspy voice ricocheted in Kai's body as the brunet bit the interior of his mouth forcing himself to remain as still as possible.

Time froze for a moment as Cole was taking in the beautiful sight of his boyfriend's sensual body almost spread out on the bed, his soft skin kissed by the morning sun.

It felt like a lifetime, but eventually the mattress sank in with Cole's weight at Kai's feet.

“Hmm...” The brunet hummed softly still pretending to be asleep as he bended his leg even more to gift the other a clearer view of his goods. Damn, if he was starting to crave for some action!

Another endless instant passed by.

Kai nearly gave out a cry as he felt Cole's callous and strong hands on his thighs, slowly making their way up to his butt-cheeks. But he didn't. He gripped the pillow holding onto it for dear life instead. Cole's fingers spread out, thumbs gingerly brushing his inner flesh as the index and middle fingers reached his firm ass. The brunet sensed Cole shift even nearer.

“Shit, Kai...” The noiret swore again and Kai couldn't help but to start trembling, feeling his boyfriend's breath a few inches away from his skin. “You're gonna drive me crazy.”

“Uh...” Kai simply couldn't stop the whimper slipping through his lips when with some more force Cole grabbed his buttocks and firmly took them apart revealing his butt hole.

“You're so beautiful baby.”

Kai hadn't time to reply for his head started to spin. He moaned anew into the pillow, focusing all his being to the wet sensation of Cole's tongue on the base of his balls as it made its way up so, so fucking slowly. The noiret's hands grasped him tighter, if possible spreading him out even more. He didn't go for his most sensitive parts yet. The wet muscle teased his soft flesh around the puckered hole circling it a few times, every turn drawing somewhat nearer but never enough. Kai gasped arching his back to meet with his boyfriend's hot mouth, but Cole pushed him back on the mattress pinning him down.

“You've been so naughty, Kai. You deserve some... punishment.”

The brunet could feel Cole's smile as he paused his teasing. Kai half opened his eyes to look down at his boyfriend. Supporting himself on his forearms flat on the bed he was ready to bicker with a cocky smile on his lips.

“Punishment?” He pretended to look offended. “I don't know what you're talkin' about. I just happened to sleep in this position, it's not my fault if I'm this h-hOT – Ah!” He frantically grasped the bedsheets under his hands, his body tense and unsteady as Cole bit his inner thigh sucking the sensitive skin right after, leaving a dark hickey . He felt blood rush to his face, a familiar throb made his cock twitch.

“Sorry, I couldn't hear you,” Cole whispered, blowing on the lightly bruised skin all while massaging his boyfriend's ass.

“ I-I said it's not my fa – Fuck!”

Cole was giving the very same ministration on the other side.

Kai shut his eyes, head falling on the pillow again, his breath starting to get erratic.

“C-Cole uh... shit...”

Kai's hidden plea shot a shiver trough the noiret's groin. Kai would never ever beg out loud for he was extremely proud. But over time Cole learned to read trough his body and his moans. And he learned how much his implicit imploring could rile him up. He let out a strained sigh as he moved again a little bit up to finally rim his boyfriend. He was done playing around. Cole would sometimes interrupt to place small wet kisses and bites all over Kai's flesh leaving dripping trails of saliva everywhere before going back to his butt hole gently forcing the tip of his tongue trough that delicious ring of muscles.

The boy underneath him gave out another cry. Cole abruptly got away from his task crawling up the brunet's body. “Kai,” he urged and the boy understood, filled to the brim with the same need. He got up from the pillow balancing his weight on his right elbow, his upper body twisting to meet the noiret's open mouth kiss. Their tongues crushed, claiming each other with the same intense hunger.

Cole felt himself starting to grow stiffer, for he unconsciously had been grinding his crotch on Kai's ass. He broke their kiss, resting his forehead on the brunet's blade shoulders to regain some control. He took some deep breaths smelling Kai's scent. His dark eyes flickered to the clock on the bystander. He groaned, hiding his flushed face in his boyfriend's chocolate hair.

“I hate to say this, but I've gotta go,” he stated unhappy.

“You... you what?!” Yelled a very bewildered Kai beneath him. The brunet tried to free himself, but Cole's weight kept him trapped.

Cole closed his eyes again to allow his heart rate to slow down, ignoring the boy's struggling.

“Consider it as some more punishment,” he whispered into his ear before placing a brief kiss on his nape. “You knew I had to be off earlier today. Why would I even get up before you otherwise?”

Kai went still as the reason dawned into his mind.

“Fuck!” He let out defeated, burying his face into the pillow anew – though for a very different reason now.

“You forgot, didn't you?” The noiret could not hold in a little chuckle.

He got up from Kai's warm and intoxicating body, immediately getting out of bed before it would become too difficult to resist the urge to fuck Kai senseless. He hastily started to get dressed, even though he had to pay a little extra attention as he pulled the zip of his black jeans up. He stole another yearning glance at Kai. He was still laying down, his rear wet with saliva glistening under the sun. Cole worried his lower lip. He played cool before, but all of this turned out to be a real pain for him as well. But someone had to be the responsible one.

“Yeah,” whined Kai after a long pause, his voice muffled by the cushion. He completely forgot that Cole had to pick up his boyfriend Jay that morning. The boy eventually got up to a sitting position, a frustrated pout on his face. “If you knew you hadn't time enough, why did you even start teasing me?”

“And turn down all your effort to put on that fine and super hot show for me? Not in a thousand years.” Cole put his white tank top on. “And moreover,” he added going back to the bed where his very disappointed lover sat, “I simply cannot resist you.”

That honest statement made Kai blush hard. He averted his gaze for a fraction of a second crossing arms on his bare chest. He felt so flattered, but he wanted to be mad! He locked his eyes again with the noiret's one.

“And may I pray you to tell me how I am supposed to deal with this now?” He pointed to his nether regions. He wasn't sporting a full erection yet, but wasn't that soft either.

“Dunno. Cold shower?” Cole started to laugh as he protected himself from the pillow coming his way. He perfectly knew Kai wasn't fond of cold water. Well, he wasn't fond of nearly all that was cold in general. If he had to describe his boyfriend using only one word, that would had been 'hot'. Everything about him was 'hot', starting from his body to his short temper, from the food he liked to the warmth of his heart. He was like fire.

Cole took some more unharmful blows still shielding his head, his laugh filling the room. His glee was too contagious and Kai joined him pretty soon. He stopped hitting the noiret. “I love you,” he said still giggling a little.

“I love you too.”

They smiled to each other for a while, then Cole leaned in to place a soft kiss on Kai's lips.

“By the way, breakfast is ready for you in the kitchen. You only have to turn the stove on to make coffee.”

Kai frowned, concerned.

“You didn't actually _cook_ something, did you?” Cole's cooking was terrible. “I still remember those hard rock pancakes you made last time. Not to mention yesterday's carbonized toast.”

His boyfriend laughed again. He knew pretty well his own limits, still not enough not to give it a try every now and then. “Don't worry,” reassured the boy. “Only safe stuff this time.” Cole gave him another kiss. A brief look at the clock made him grimace for a split second. “I really have to get going now.”

Kai hummed and smiled again. Albeit the previous super hot teasing, he couldn't hold it against Cole since he prepared breakfast. The brunet shifted closer to him slipping his hands around his neck pulling a little to claim once more those marvellous lips. Cole was more than happy to give in, his arms wrapping around Kai's chest, hands flat on his back to hold him closer.

The kiss was slow and full of promises. “You owe me one,” breathed out Kai with a playful glint in his green eyes as their lips departed.

“You stole my line,” Cole bantered back with a wide grin. He gave one last small peck on the brunet's cheek before letting go and stand up. “Love you, hothead.”

“Love you too.”

Cole smiled one last time and exited the room. Soon Kai heard the entrance door open and close. He let himself drop on the messy bed, both hands to his face dragging the skin down with his fingers. He eyed his groin. The noiret would be so upset if he would finish himself off. He let out a loud, strained sigh, head falling back on the pillow.

“Damn Cole, you _really_ owe me one,” grumbled Kai under his breath.

<><><><><>

After taking a not so nice cold shower, which still was at least to credit for doing the trick, Kai got dressed into some sporty clothes and warily dropped by the small kitchen to check how dire the situation was. After a quick scan of the table he let out the breath he didn't even realized was holding. Lucky for him, Cole did really play safe.

On the placemat there was a bowl filled with his favourite cereals, the milk already on the table along with a glass of fresh orange juice. Warmth spread from his heart as he spotted a glass of water with a red flower placed inside it, for sure stolen from his neighbour's balcony. He softly brushed the soft petals and smiled. Yeah, he could forgive Cole for that morning teasing. Maybe.

Kai turned on the stove to make coffee and sat down at the little table grabbing the milk to pour it into the bowl. Absent-minded he started to eat as he took out his phone to check on it. A very long list of notifications were displayed on the screen.

The boy was a very social person. He liked to stay regularly in touch with all of his friends as much as he liked to know new ones. Not to mention – although that was another thing he would never openly admit, he really loved showing off and being at the centre of attention posting everyday a lot of pictures and videos for his followers.

Name any social media. Even the most underrated and unknown one. He had it. For the most popular and more used he even had more than one account at the same time, being one official and the other false so that he could, to quote him, _'keep a closer eye on all those fake bitches that hate and envy me'_.

The smell of coffee slowly filled the room. Kai got up to help himself with the dark liquid, then got back to the table. He briefly glanced at the flower again and smiled. One wouldn't say it, but despite of his rough appearance Cole would often get all romantic. He carefully sipped the hot drink without adding sugar, turning his attention to his phone again. He was through almost all of his notifications.

“Hmm?”

One caught his attention. It seemed he received a message from someone on that dating app he got installed some months ago. He didn't really use it too much for it wasn't like he was actively looking for romance. Still he would regularly check it out to see if someone interesting joined. Kai opened the app and rolled his eyes.

“Shit, not you again,” he pouted.

The brunet simply ignored the message. He had been talking with that guy at first, but dropped it immediately when he realized the other had been only looking for sex, assuming that 'polyamorous' on Kai's description meant he would go with everyone despite already having a boyfriend. It hadn't been the first time, unfortunately. Many people out there assumed he was a slut without even caring to do some goddamn research about polyamory first .

Kay was rather annoyed when he started to look at the profiles. He wasn't really paying too much attention, he was doing it out of mere habit. Most of them were already seen profiles that the algorithm would suggest him again; he could recognize some friends too.

Swipe, swipe, swipe... he had enough.

His thumb swiped one last time and his left hand froze mid-air while bringing the cup of coffee to his lips. Kai's eyes widened in surprise when met with some piercing light blue ones. The brunet stood still for an instant, mouth agape.

That boy in the picture was really pretty. Not only those eyes that seemed they could read straight into your soul, but all his features were graceful and... pure. Silver blonde hair with a short trimmed cut, thin rosy lips curved in a tender smile, petite and slightly up-turned nose, skin so pale it could be made of alabaster. It seemed like he was sitting on the floor, for he was looking up to the camera. How did such an angel end up in a dating app?

He remembered about his coffee and feeling a bit stupid he put it back on the table to hold his phone with both hands. His green eyes eventually looked away from the boy's face to read at least his name underneath the picture.

 _Zane, 30_.

“Zane,” murmured quietly Kai. How sweet that name already tasted on his lips.


	4. Rules

It had been five days since Zane installed the dating app. To his great surprise he discovered he was quite popular. He received way more likes and messages that he had been expecting at first, because... well he didn't expect anything at all since he was trans. He couldn't start to imagine how so many guys out there would even take him into consideration. He would read and reply to all of them out of politeness, maybe engage in some brief small chat, then with the most relieved heart and peace of mind decline any invitation he got, as by rules set by his strategy.

Truth was, albeit his yielding to Lawrence's pressure at installing the app, Zane wasn't ready to look for his 'special one'. He was yet so scared at the thought of being touched, still utterly terrified at the prospect to get intimate with someone and face the possibility to be refused because of his body. At the same time though he yearned for someone to get past the walls he built around his own heart, someone who could dispel his fears and reach out to him with a loving hug and a kiss melting down the ice trapping his passion. The question was... was he yet able to reach back? The blonde wasn't sure about that. Those conflicting emotions left him confused and pretty lost.

He would have gladly uninstalled the app already, hadn't he had a promise to fulfil. Lawrence was the most important person left in his life, he was like family. He only wanted to help him out, Zane couldn't let him down.

That's why he came up with that plan in the first place. It was the only thing that kept him from losing his mind to his insecurities, that made him hold on to a fairly good mood despite of everything. He knew it wasn't like there were so many people out there that could pass his test and that made him feel safe, out of grasp.

Nevertheless Zane had to admit to himself that not all evil came to harm. Granting a very little chance for someone to reach out to him in spite of his mental state helped him to at least start facing his anxieties without really confront them – a good compromise.

But Zane guarded himself not to completely speak his mind when he shared his astonishment at being popular to Lawrence for he didn't feel like discussing his fears anew, and he was rather cheerful that day to tamper his high spirits. His friend couldn't hold back a little laugh rolling his eyes, unaware of the blonde's inner troubles.

“Of course you are. You are utterly oblivious about it, but you are really cute,” he stated. “Tall, fit, 'cause I know what muscles you hide under those clothes, beautiful blue eyes, soft silver blond hair. That sweet and innocent look on your features. Radiating chill vibes. No wonder you're a dream boy for a lot of people. I'd definitely fall for you too!”

“Oh Lawrence, you already did,” replied Zane bringing his iced tea to the knowing smile plastered on his lips, taking a little sip with his gaze fixed on the boy in front of him.

Lawrence was about to drink some of his coke but stopped dead in his tracks. He looked back at his friend dead panned as the blonde started to laugh at his reaction. The ginger blinked once as he realized that he was technically talking with his ex. He joined the laugh too.

“Damn, you really got me Zane.”

“I supposed I did,” chuckled the boy in response with a hint of pride in his voice. He usually didn't joke too much, it was rather difficult for him to think fast enough not to miss the perfect comic timing for the delivery. He was the kind of person that always carefully chose which words to use and how to express them. Zane would normally figure out how to joke back to something like two days later – and giggle out of the blue for no apparent reason often startling either his cats or his co-workers. But sometimes he could react fast enough, it was like a funny switch inside of him would suddenly turn itself on.

The laugh died away and the two of them enjoyed the silence for a while. Lawrence was used to the often quietness of his peer. He focused on the rock music played from the speakers of the cafe, recognizing the song at once. He started to tap the rhythm with his fingers on the table as he drank some refreshing coke.

“So,” he coughed, eager to have some news about how was working his plan to find Zane a boyfriend. “Did you find someone interesting yet? Is there anyone are you chatting with?”

The blonde smiled, and he felt taken aback. Lawrence arched an eyebrow starting to feel a little worried. He didn't expect him to smile. He did expect some more complaining about how many people out there were only focused on appearances. He put down his drink, scrutinizing his peer to find an answer, growing more and more suspicious. Why was the boy smiling? He recalled pretty well how much his friend was against all of this, how much had it been difficult to convince him. There was absolutely something shady going on, he could feel it in his guts. He narrowed his eyes.

“You. You're hiding something,” accused the ginger pointing his index finger towards Zane's chest over the table. “You didn't delete the account, did you?”

“Of course I did not,” stated Zane a bit offended. “That wasn't even an option, I promised you I would at least try.”

“Then what is it? Where does that victorious smile come from?”

Mentioned smile bloomed again as Zane sat back relaxing again. He shrugged. “I simply came up with a good strategy to handle all this dating app situation.”

Lawrence groaned. He should have known better his friend.

Zane seemed to have not noticed his disappointment, or maybe he simply ignored it as he elaborated further. “I had another look at the app that night for I had to fill in some things we skipped. Do you remember we left the description blank as I didn't know what to write at the moment?”

Lawrence hummed to confirm. He still hadn't any clue about where all of this was leading to.

“I admit I got stuck there for quite a bit,” Zane frowned at the memory – and at the feelings that stirred inside of him. “Then I remembered your words about how I had to show what I have inside, about being myself.”

The ginger shifted uneasy in his seat. He started to see the whole picture and felt the urge to gulp down some more coke. As Zane explained in detail about what he wrote down on his description purposefully avoiding sharing why he acted that way, the boy felt his hopes evaporate.

“I'm really satisfied,” concluded the blonde with a nod. “It works perfectly.”

Lawrence opened his mouth to say something, but no words seemed to come out. He locked his eyes with the blue ones of his peer for a while, then shook his head in disbelief. He eventually moved his gaze to his empty glass. The boy wished for a beer, hadn't been a little past ten in that Saturday morning. He breathed out, feeling a little bit defeated. The ginger couldn't even really argue back, as it had been him to suggest his friend to stay true to himself. Furthermore he had to admit that what the blonde had done summed up and resembled him pretty well. His plan had unexpectedly backfired.

“Okay, you made your point,” he started uncertain. “But... isn't it a little too much? Wouldn't you consider to relent a bit, or make some compromises?”

“I don't think I will,” said Zane finishing his own drink. “If I have to play at this game it will be by my rules.”

<><><><><>

Still dumbstruck, Kai clicked on Zane's profile. The page opened and the uncropped profile picture appeared on his display. His supposition was right, in that image Zane was sitting on the floor, legs crossed with a little black cat sitting in his lap and a big white tabby one standing nearby. Kai couldn't help but smile. He noticed there were more uploaded photos. It took no time for him to click on the gallery, swipe left and giggle right away, a warm sensation blooming in his chest.

Zane appeared dressed in a white pyjama with an all over pastel pink and light blue unicorn and rainbows pattern on it, toothbrush into his mouth and a startled expression on his face as if he had been caught doing something fishy.

“He's so... fucking cute,” uttered Kai to himself bringing a hand up to cover his mouth, a faint blush on his cheeks.

The brunet continued to look at the pictures. As he went trough the gallery, Kai discovered he was kinda impressed at how the blonde boldly presented himself without any kind of filter. There were no pictures meant to impress others, nor selfies. There were some that one could define embarrassing, like the one with the unicorn pyjama, some funny, other simply gentle and intimate. Just by looking at those photos one could tell that the blonde was... different. Kai noted how Zane had a very classy style, he mostly dressed with long pants and shirts, but about the latter ones the boy was not ashamed wearing pink ones or with flowery patterns. Everything felt like Zane was stating _'I am like this, take it or leave it'._

The brunet completely lost it when he found an image starring the blonde with a dandelion and daisy flower crown gracefully placed on top of his head, relaxing on a checked blanket in the middle of a meadow looking into the distance with the most precious smile.

Kai absolutely had to get in touch with Zane. He already felt helplessly tangled up by his innocent charm and by that beautiful smile.

He closed his eyes, thoughts – and heart, racing. His first instinct was to immediately send Zane a message and go in full flirting mode at once, but refrained to do so. He had to tell Cole first. Kai looked at the clock and sighed. He couldn't call his boyfriend right away, for sure the noiret was with Jay at that very moment and Kai knew better than to break the ground rules. Even if it wasn't his cup of tea the boy had to be patient, a skill he had to learn and develop to maintain his relationship working.

Being in a polyamorous relationship required a lot of compromises and personal growth. A lot of narrow minded people would assume that it was just an excuse for kinky and lustful individuals to have sex with more than a partner at the same the time, maybe even doing threesomes and stuff; a way for a person unable or uninterested in commitment to flee from the responsibilities of a 'true' relationship.

Kai would laugh at those people, for sex was the smallest and most importantly the very last part to happen, for before that it was all about trust, consent, mutual respect and lots and lots of honest and open communication. Polyamory was all about trusting your partner with your most intimate feelings, even the nastiest and hidden ones, hoping the other would comprehend and support you instead of judging you. It all was about talking about what was allowed or not to do and establishing ground rules, check on them regularly to make sure they still worked for everyone involved, and if not to be ready for renegotiation.

In their case, Jay's most important ground rules were to ask Kai to avoid being in the same place at the same time when he was with Cole if not strictly necessary – and that included phone calls although important messages were okay, and to maintain private their relationships, meaning he didn't want to know about stuff Cole and Kai might have been doing together, nor he wished for Cole to tell Kai how things were going between the two of them, always if it wasn't crucial for some reason, like discussing about some rule adjustments.

Of course, the brunet respected and agreed to all Jay's rules when the three of them talked about it, and took no offence by being completely excluded. It was Jay's first time in this after all, Kai was already more than happy the boy consented to date Cole even he was already involved with someone else, proving himself to be really open minded. It was crystal clear how much the noiret was in love with the freckled young man, it would have pained him so much if he'd been rejected because of the brunet.

He remembered well that those were pretty much the same ground rules Cole gave him at their first attempt at polyamory, when Kai couldn't fight back his growing feelings for Lloyd. He recalled his own painful confusion – how was it even possible to love so much two people at the same time? Not to mention the feeling of being wrong, or the guilt he felt towards his boyfriend, but he couldn't help it. And on the other side of the medal, when he finally worked up enough courage to talk about everything with Cole, he knew how difficult it could be at the very beginning to deal with jealousy and the feeling of not being enough or being somehow replaced.

It had been so hard. Hadn't been Cole such an understanding guy, hadn't been the good listener he was, hadn't they been so much in love one with another, Kai wasn't sure their relationship would have lasted and for that he was so grateful.

The brunet couldn't count the times he spent whole days and nights talking with his lover about every little detail, at first only to make sure if it was okay to even _start_ dating Lloyd. After that, they began to discuss how many times Kai could see his other partner without Cole feeling down, if it would have been comfortable for Cole to let Kai kiss or hold hands with Lloyd first in private, then in public, if Cole would consent sex between the two of them, and so on.

It took a lot of time and a lot of effort from both sides to make it work. Eventually it did, for Kai always strictly respected the rules. No matter how hard or tempting it had often been, no matter how much his short temper would sometimes drive him mad, the boy never stopped building, maintaining and strengthening Cole's trust in him.

As Cole realized that truly nothing had changed between him and Kai, that his boyfriend didn't love him less, on the contrary he seemed to grow even more attached to him, the noiret relented a bit his ground rules to see how things would go. He would consent to hang out with them sometimes, to have dinner together...

When he gave jealousy no more chance to roam around his heart and mind he felt... oddly good. As crazy as it was, that pang in his chest disappeared. He discovered Lloyd wasn't that bad at all, he was a fun guy to have around and Cole could definitely see why Kai fell in love with him in the first place.

Over time, his ground rules lessened more and more. As Cole had the chance to look at Kai beaming after receiving a call from Lloyd for the first time in front of him – obviously with his consent, 'violating' what was meant to be 'their' time together, something curious happened. Instead of feeling betrayed as he had been expecting since he let his guard down and let Lloyd enter their lives, he felt his heart filled with... warmth. It had been so strange at first, but so pleasant. That was one of Kai's prettiest smile he'd ever seen.

It was then that it hit him.

Kai's happiness was his own happiness. Seeing him happy made him happy.

It was such a simple concept he almost felt embarrassed when he understood what had happened. But understanding and embracing this polyamorous type of truth were so different things. Cole that day decided to let that lesson sink under his skin and deep into his heart, let it change his life for the better. He felt free.

Eventually Kai and Lloyd broke up, but that lesson remained.

After that revealing experience, it had been easier for the couple when Cole met Jay and couldn't deny himself that he felt something more than friendship for the younger boy. He couldn't believe at first it was happening and felt lost as much Kai must had felt before. Cole didn't think he could actually fall in love with someone else, it surprised him a lot. He was a little scared when he had to discuss about it with Kai, this time the other way around.

All his fears had been wiped away in one single blow as Kai simply grinned at his 'confession' and told him that there was nothing he cherished more in this world than Cole's happiness. Now, that was definitely the most beautiful and loving smile he had ever seen on his lips. And one of the most intimate and passionate love making he ever experienced.

Kai's rules had been very loose from the very start, he was so curious to meet Jay too. There wasn't the same enthusiasm on the other side though. The brunet always suspected that Jay might have felt somehow in competition with him, maybe a little overwhelmed by the pressure of his and Cole's six years relationship that compared to the little seven months he was dating the noiret was a large amount of time. Of course he shared his thoughts with his boyfriend adding – almost threatening so serious the boy had been, never to let Jay feel less important or neglected. Cole's amber eyes almost popped out of his head in disbelief at that most unexpected statement that time, but took the suggestion by heart. Not that he didn't intend to.

Kai could only hope that eventually Jay could trust him enough to consent him to get a little closer and maybe become friends. He had to admit he rather liked that little chatterbox, from the little time he could spend together with him and from that little information he could gather he seemed to be so witty and fun.

Kai knew he only had to be patient. With Jay, and now with Zane too.

The boy liked Zane's profile to avoid losing it among the others and closed the app for the time being with a sigh. The coffee laid cold on the table, so he drank some of his orange juice instead. The brunet pondered about sending Cole a text, but immediately decided against it. That could wait, he didn't want to ruin their reunion after the two long weeks they didn't see each other. He looked out of the window, the morning sun was bright and warm. And it was Saturday, meaning no work. He definitely could use some distraction.

He got up from his seat, picking his phone anew to make a call. He stuck the device in between his right ear and shoulder, starting to clean up the kitchen and putting everything into the dishwasher with one hand and drinking with the other, while waiting for his friend to pick up.

_“Hello?”_

Kai spurted out some juice, he didn't expect the girl to answer so fast and coughed a few times, the voice giggling on the other side.

 _“You alive Kai?”_ The giggle didn't stop.

“Yeah, very funny Skylor,” grumbled the brunet after recovering. “You up for swimming pool today?”

_“Sure.”_

“What about in one hour? Is it cool?”

_“Okay. See you later.”_

The call ended and Kai smiled already enjoying the day ahead. Skylor was one of his best friends. She would appear detached, sassy and sarcastic, but beneath the surface her heart was pure gold. You just had to get into her good graces first. Easier said than done, but Kai wasn't like someone who easily gave up. She would often joke about how it was less annoying having the boy around rather than keeping him away – _"Still a pain in the ass though,"_ she would add with a grin and a wink.

Kai hurriedly finished cleaning the kitchen and then dropped by the bathroom to brush his teeth. His mind went back thinking about Zane, but he attempted to hush it up. He didn't want to focus on him too much, the brunet was already itching to meet the blond guy and didn't want the waiting being more painful as it already was. After masterfully modelling his hair, he finally left the room and went straight for the entrance door. His fire red duffle bag was already prepared, as it had been from the very first day the swimming pool opened. That year had been blessed with fine and hot weather, Kai wouldn't miss the chance of going out whenever he was free.

He pulled up the bag over his shoulder, checked if he had everything and went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I might not be able to post the chapters once a week from now on, hopefully I'll be back to work. Even though it's not clear yet. These are quite strange times XD  
> Thank you all for reading and sticking to this story, it means a lot to me <3


	5. Reunions

Luckily Cole got to the train station in time, even managed to get his boyfriend a refreshing peach bubble tea which held near his chest to protect it from accidental bumps. The noiret craned his neck over the flow of people streaming out of the train onto the platform trying to find an adorable curly and fluffy auburn head in the middle of that crowd, unfortunately with no success. Jay was a little shorter than average and he couldn't see him anywhere in that moving and bustling mass. But on the other side he was really tall, his head popping out way above all the others. Very easy to spot.

“Comin' in!”

A familiar voice reached his ears and Cole immediately whipped around towards the shout. His amber eyes shrank in fear as he saw a a lot of commotion ahead of him as more than a scared person jumped aside or yanked friends away to clear the path as Jay ran towards him at full speed.

“Jay, I'm holding bubble tea!”

His plea went on deaf ears, for Jay leaped towards him with an excited grin on his freckled face, arms and legs spread out ready to be caught.

Cole reacted on instinct, immediately bending a little his knees to gain more balance. Adrenaline rushing trough his body and messing with his thoughts, he barely won the urge to drop the container with the orangish liquid, skyrocketing his arm upwards instead to keep it safe. As he felt Jay's arms wrap around his neck, hands clasping together pulling some of his hair and legs around his waist, the boy absorbed his boyfriend's light weight by bending even more, his free arm quickly moving at the same time to sustain Jay under his rear instead of his back, for the boy had his backpack on. Cole stood upright again, heart pounding hard into his ears, mind still processing what had happened, hand firmly clutching on his boyfriend's bum to make sure he was still there and that he actually caught him.

He blinked once and looked down at the laughing boy clinging at him like a koala, still a bit stiff and surprised.

“J-Jay!” He finally managed to speak. “What the f-”

“I missed you so much!” Jay cut in, pulling Cole's head as he arched a little to meet him in a sudden kiss.

The noiret was yet a little confused, but relaxed as soon as he felt those soft lips on his. He adjusted his grip on Jay not to hurt him and gave in to the pleasant sensation. It was a brief kiss, and they smiled at each other.

“I missed you too Bluejay.”

Jay's grin widened ever further reaching his ocean blue eyes.

Both leaned in for another kiss, deeper and slower this time, as they let their tongues slip past each other's mouth. Jay's hum got lost in that bliss as he let his fingers play trough Cole's hair gingerly massaging his scalp. A lot of people looked at them curiously, but both boys were completely unaware of it, reality temporarily shut off. Eventually they parted again and Cole gave another little affectionate peck that made Jay squeal in delight.

“So, you mentioned bubble tea!” Jay's eyes sparkled with anticipation.

“Uh? Oh, yeah!” Cole had completely forgot about it. He brought his arm down, but since Jay made whatsoever move to reach out for the plastic glass he had to offer the large straw to his boyfriend too. Jay wrapped his lips around it, and Cole could observe the orange fluid colour the transparent plastic as it went up. Eyes fixed on the bubble tea, Jay sucked a little harder so that the little spheres filled with sweet syrup could go up, eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration.

The noiret gulped as he zeroed on that inevitably sensual display, his body reacting rapidly still sensitive for what occurred a little more than an hour prior. What the fuck was happening that day? Did both of his boyfriends secretly agree to tease him nuts? Did Jay even know about how much he wanted to jump on him in that very moment albeit being in the middle of a crowded train station? He unintentionally tightened his grip on him anew.

Jay slowly looked up from the drink, eyes half lidded as his lips abandoned the straw. Cole could observe his tongue hidden movements as he played with the orbs in his mouth, before apparently smashing them to release the inner liquid as he hummed delighted.

 _'Yes, he knows. He fucking knows, he's messing with me this little gremlin,'_ thought Cole as he felt his cheeks turning deep red.

“Hmm, peach! My favourite one!” Stated innocently Jay.

Cole groaned and roughly claimed another time that mouth, sucking his boyfriend's tongue and tasting the sugar still lingering on it. He could feel Jay's heart beating faster as the boy pressed himself against his chest, hands keeping his head firmly returning that sharp rush of passion. Cole sighed, teeth biting down Jay's lower lip before taking in a deep breath and pressing their foreheads together. The younger boy panted slightly and for once was at loss of words. The two of them stared into each other's eyes for a while.

Reality dawned back on Cole as a old mildly irritated lady coughed very loudly while passing by. Rude, but yeah, right. They couldn't stay all day there in a middle of a platform on the verge of making out. The noiret used that little distraction to return to planet Earth. Yeah, definitely someone really had to be the responsible one.

“Planning of getting down anytime soon?” Asked Cole, smirking playfully.

“Nuh-uh, it's nice to be this tall for a change,” replied Jay, taking the chance to have a look around with this new gained perspective.

Cole snorted amused before leaning in. His chin brushed against Jay's cheek, his lips almost resting on his boyfriend's ear as he spoke out softly.

“So, you're telling me you don't want to go home fast...?”

His voice was barely a whisper, but it was more than enough to send a shiver through Jay's spine. The younger boy held his breath, now his cheeks turning flaming red at the teasing allusion.

“T-That's not what I said!” He breathed out in what should have been an annoyed tone.

“Hmm-hmm,” purred the noiret as he backed away just enough to have a side glimpse of that super cute flushed face. He chuckled and that seemed to make Jay feel the urge to let go. Finally he let his legs loose, dangling from his boyfriend waiting for Cole to bend a little forward to put him down. The tall boy was still snickering as Jay plopped on the floor.

“Anyway, seriously Jay?” Cole handed the bubble tea over, his other hand instinctively looking for Jay's one entwining their fingers together. “That could've been dangerous.” He started to rub his thumb over that pallid freckled skin in little circles. He really missed him. Cole pulled a bit as he started walking for the exit of the station and Jay followed right away.

“Knew you would catch me,” Jay shrugged helping himself with a sip of his drink – in a more decent way now, for Cole's solace and ease of mind. The sugar looked like giving him all his joking vibes back. He squeezed Cole's hand before slipping free. Index and middle finger walked up from the noiret's wrist up to his bare biceps muscle with a wide grin plastered on his lips. “Or did you grow weaker giving up rock-climbing for cake these past two weeks I wasn't here?”

Cole gasped loudly, mimicking a very offended and hurted face. Well, deep down he actually was a tiny bit. He crossed his arms over his wide chest, moving away from his boyfriend's touch and head turning to a side to avoid eye contact.

“My body is a temple,” he sulkily grumbled.

Jay burst out laughing. “Aww, you may confess your sins to me Cole, I have my ways to know for sure anyway!” His hand rapidly moved once more, this time toward his stomach, energetically groping his firm abs over the tank top looking for some fat he already knew there was nowhere to be found.

Cole jerked away from the ticklish feeling, with the sole consequence of fuelling the young boy's entertainment as he followed his movements.

“Nothing to confess!” The noiret promptly defended himself. He tried to shove off Jay's hand with little success, without really putting too much effort into it for the sake of that goddamn bubble tea which was already dangerously swirling into the container. Jay obviously noticed and his moves became even bolder and more determined. “I exercise every day, I am allowed to treat myself with as much cake as I want!”

Jay stopped his tickling for a moment to better silently fake judge his boyfriend, retrieving his hand to let it rest on his hip and arching an eyebrow. “Cooole?” He held his disappointed expression as long as he could, but didn't last. He cracked a smile but nevertheless tried to mask it slurping down some more of his sugary drink.

The noiret pouted even more narrowing his amber eyes. Well, he could play dirty too. Jay was fit, but not enough to display a full six pack. “Do I have to point out how many calories your bubble tea has?” A knowing smirk appeared on his face.

“Cole!” Stuttered Jay flabbergasted. “First, I'm not that fat. Second, my brilliant brain needs the sugar!”

Cole took advantage of Jay's temporary surprise and darted out a hand in an effort to grab his squishy side, but the boy was far too quick and agile for him. He hastily jumped back and Cole's hand closed on empty air. He sprinted anew, but it was like trying to catch a wild cat. His boyfriend was fast and unpredictable like lighting. The noiret made several other attempts, dashing to the side, making sudden stops and sprints, but to no avail. Jay masterfully dodged his every attack, mocking him taking sips from the straw from time to time. At this point, people around them knew better than going near those two crack-heads, but none really started a fuss about it. The two guys seemed to be so happy.

Eventually Jay let himself get caught, squinting his eyes shut laughing like a madman as Cole took his sweet revenge by tickling him.

“I show you who's grown weaker,” muttered Cole under his breath, only to gain another burst of laughter on the other side. He took away Jay's backpack to leave it on the ground and then spun his boyfriend around. “Watch your drink,” he warned. With a swift movement and with no apparent effort he easily lifted his boyfriend over his right shoulder, then bended to recover the luggage with his free hand. Jay gave out a startled shriek and by miracle managed not to spill anything.

“Cole, let me down!” Protested the boy in between giggles.

“Thought you enjoyed the height,” replied nonchalantly the noiret positioning him better as he started walking out the station towards the parking area. That gained the two more confused looks, but yet again the boys were too lost in their own bubble to notice.

“Oh, c'mon!” Pouted Jay, patting his free hand on Cole's back. “Okay, I get it, you're the strongest of them all. Happy? Can I get down now?”

“Nope.”

Jay rolled his eyes and blew hard into his straw producing a noise similar to a raspberry. He felt Cole's deep laughter vibrations through his hand still placed on his back, and that made him smile.

Cole really was the strongest person Jay ever met in his life. His body had been graced with a thick built by birth, and was legit solid as rock for he exercised all his life.

The noiret graduated at Marty Oppenheimer School of Performing Arts as a ballet dancer, but that had never been his path. Even if he decided on his own to apply for the Academy, he really did it only to meet his father's expectations. Lou Brookstone was a very well known singer of the famous Royal Blacksmiths Quartet, and he always tried to push his son into the arts since he was a little child so that he could carry on with the family tradition.

Cole never was too interested about any of it, was it dancing, singing or playing an instrument. He liked to draw, but that didn't really encounter his father's vision. The kid resembled his mother's interests too much. He was loud, easy going, unruly, always getting back home covered in mud and dirt. He would constantly be full of bruises and small cuts, plasters all over his legs and arms and face for he climbed up – and fell down, every tree or pile of rock he could find and generally stumbled upon everything. As a young teenager he even joined a parkour team and secretly got both his earlobes pierced, to his mother's amusement and Lou's distress when he accidentally discovered them that time the noiret forgot to untie his bun at home.

However Cole still let his father teach him over the years, mostly out of his mother's request to spent some quality time with him. Lou quickly noticed that his son wasn't suited for singing for the boy grew too restless just standing in a room for more than a couple of hours – and was terrible, and the same went for piano or any other instrument. He could only manage to teach him dancing, starting from the age of five. At least that was movement, even if indoor.

Cole suffered from that homeschooling, for his father was really strict and always pretended too much from him as if he had to be at age of seven the best ballet dancer of the entire world just because 'they got it in the blood'. The boy would often escape during breaks, fleeing the dancing room of the house to hide on the rooftop, the only place Lou wouldn't check. His mum always had to quiet down the occasional fights. She would always bake a cake, which smell would make Cole appear out of nowhere and soften Lou's mood. They would laugh all together. She brought harmony in their little family, she was the one that connected them all.

Until that day.

The day she never came back home.

After that day, Cole realized he didn't loose just one parent. He lost them both.

Harmony was gone.

Lou simply disappeared from his life. He would sign up for every tour, every show, everything that kept him from being home, away from his painful memories. Unfortunately his fifteen years son Cole resembled his beloved too much. Those amber eyes he got from her would tear him apart. His son would consider himself lucky if he got to see him two or three days a month. And on those days, even if he felt angry and abandoned, Cole tried his best to reconnect with his father because the feeling of missing him was too overwhelming, shadowing all other emotions. He deeply loved his father, and didn't want to loose him too. But at that time the only things Lou really cared about were singing and dancing.

That's how Cole decided to follow the path Lou always dreamed for him; he dropped regular school to apply for the Marty Oppenheimer School of Performing Arts, moving to the biggest city of the country to study ballet, taking on himself all the responsibilities of living alone and caring for the childhood house every weekend he got back. He was technically too old for joining, but being the son of a famous artist and being already a capable dancer, he managed to enter. After a while he slowly had a way to sew up his relationship with his father, by pleasing him with his achievements, by gaining his attention through that stupid art he cherished so much. Things were a little better, but he wasn't happy. That wasn't him. He couldn't get rid of that feeling of loss.

In those years he was at the ballet school, he never dropped his true passion. The noiret would still do parkour in every single spare moment, it was the only way he could cope with all that pain. Nevertheless the hurt was still so strong that at last parkour wasn't enough any more. No matter how many times he recklessly climbed every last tallest building in Ninjago City, it was never sufficient to get away from all that mess that his life had become. He needed more height, more distance. More silence. He needed every night to exhaust himself before dragging his body to bed to fall asleep.

He discovered the rock-climbing gym while he was looking for his next target to scramble up. It immediately caught his attention and for some unknown reason he decided to enter the structure instead of climbing on it. Inside he found the most curious person he ever met in his whole life.

The men was old, way too old to be found in a working place, with a calm and cryptic attitude. He had long white beard that almost reached his legs and a bushy moustache, wearing what looked like a traditional Chinese long white vest, with small golden decorations. He didn't even look at him when Cole entered, too focused on sipping what smelled like green tea.

“Hello there,” the man greeted startling the noiret.

“Uh, hello,” Cole peeked towards him, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Can I, uh, can I try to climb up?” He finally asked pointing out the walls dotted with colourful footholds.

“Isn't it why you came here for?”

“R-Right,” answered Cole a little unsure. That oldie certainly gave him chills.

Although wary at first, Cole forgot about everything as soon as he concentrated at the base of a wall after briefing in with an instructor about safety rules and how to use ropes and hooks. Not that he really needed them, he did far more dangerous stuff without any kind of equipment. It took him no time to climb up a medium difficult wall, switching fast to the most difficult ones. All the people in the gym looked up in awe, as he easily scrambled up a passage that was considered impossible to pass.

The old man closely watched from under his large straw hat.

Cole spent the whole day in there, right till closing time. He was about to exit the gym, when the oldie nearly gave him another heart attack.

“Why did you climb the mountain?”

Cole blinked, a little lost. He wasn't sure about the meaning of that question. Mountain? That wasn't a mountain, just a wall. And yet... and yet he found himself answering, without him even realizing it at first.

“I... lost someone. My father should be sad, or angry, but he's just... he's...” He lost his voice because of that lump in the throat. Even after three years it still was agonizing talking about the subject, because neither his father nor himself really moved on from that fatal day and never confronted each other on the matter.

“Yeah?” The man softly pushed him to continue to speak.

“He spends all his time with his group, singing and dancing. He's never home, leaving everything to me. With her gone I guess it's up to me to be the responsible one. He acts as if nothing happened,” he paused, clenching his hands in fists. “How can you sing and dance at a time like this?” Cole gritted his teeth.

The old man sighed, looking down at his tea before lifting his gaze up anew.

“Grief takes many shapes and forms. Some sing and dance. Some climb mountains.”

Even if dog-tired he couldn't sleep that night. The events of that afternoon played and replayed in his head in an unbreakable loop. Who the hell was that old man? Why did he so easily open up with him? Cole tossed and turned in his bed, looking for an answer he couldn't find. He suddenly woke up, the alarm tune hitting his senses like a hammer. The noiret was still tired, he couldn't even tell when or how he fell asleep.

All he could think about was that short conversation he had the day prior. In a blink of an eye he was at the gym again, feeding the school an excuse about not feeling well, which yet was partially true.

He found the man in the very same position, as if he never went home. As the day before, he seemed not to notice the noiret presence. Cole waited to be acknowledged, hesitant. He couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and speak. Why did he feel the urge of coming here again in the first place?

“Are you here to climb the mountain once more?”

The question echoed in the vast space, amplified by the silence. They were nearly alone, save from a couple of instructors that were checking the equipment in a far away corner.

Cole gulped. It felt like eternity before he could find his voice.

“No...”

“Then why are you here?”

Now, that was the great question.

“... Who are you?” He asked instead.

The man smiled, motioning Cole to come closer and sit across him. He filled another cup with steaming green tea for his host.

“I am nothing more than an old man. I am instructor Wu.”

Cole sat down and accepted the drink, studying the enigmatic person in front of him who seemed not inclined to add more. Maybe it was the comforting feeling of warmth in his hands, maybe it was that strange feeling of trust sometime you get from a stranger, maybe it was the feeling that Wu really did want to listen, but Cole found himself opening up again, telling him his story.

Wu pondered, humming to himself.

“In each and everyone of us there are obstacles that hold us back. Only when you conquer that fear will your heart be free. Only then you will reach your true potential.”

“What the...?” Cole shook his head in confusion. “What do you mean by true potential?”

“You will see, when the time comes.”

Cole wrapped his mind over those words for weeks, but they absolutely did make no sense at all. He didn't dare to go back to ask for a better explanation, it felt like instructor Wu wanted him to figure it out by himself. Teachers at school would scold him more than usual for not paying attention during rehearsals, since in a couple of months he would graduate and be participating as protagonist at the ballet recital with his classmates, one of the most prominent social events of Ninjago City.

The day of the premiere was maybe the first day he didn't really think about that event, for he felt awful. After that day he would begin his career as a professional, he already got a job by one of the most important ballet companies of the country and... he didn't want to. As he danced on that stage, his father looking up to him with a wide smile on his face from the front lines, he couldn't push away the feeling that everything was so fucking wrong.

That wasn't his place. That wasn't him. The noiret couldn't bring himself to hug his father back when he joined him outside the theatre after the show. Lou was congratulating him, looking up to his son because of the important height difference.

“Look at you, my boy. I can already see a bright future ahead of you. I know for sure you have the potential to make it to the top.”

Cole felt a cold grip around his guts as his body went stiff. Potential, huh? Maybe after months he was starting to understand. His father was there, with him, and not somewhere else performing with his quartet. He was smiling proudly for what he became. No more loneliness. The noiret could just go on with the charade. Why risk it and lose his father another time? They were just about doing pretty fine by now. He could still be happy, right...? Tears started to spill from his eyes as he quietly sobbed. Lou immediately noticed and panicked. He wasn't really sure about how to handle the situation and that sight was more than unexpected. Lou grasped tightly both Cole's forearms, like it was him who needed assistance.

“C-Cole is... is everything alright?” He uttered helplessly.

“I... I don't want to be a professional ballet dancer dad,” Cole took in a sharp breath, his head tilting back as he blinked several times to get rid of the tears with no success. He freed one of his hands to cover his face. “I-I'm sorry dad. I tried, I really tried but...” He backed away, turning to give his back to his father. He found it difficult to breathe. It was tough to gather the courage to face his fears and pain.

Lou was too stunned to mumble a single word. All he could do was staring at his son's shoulders go up and down, shaking with sobs.

“I only did because... because...” He gulped, bracing himself. Traffic sounds filled the silence. It was overly late to drop the conversation now, no matter the consequences, that silence between them had lasted for far too long. “I just... wanted you back. I t-thought that... if I were to follow your footsteps... you would come back to me...” He mopped his eyes into the jacket before turning around again. “When mum died...” His voice was a mere rustle, but Lou could hear it loud and clear as tears gathered in his own eyes. “You just disappeared. I was sad, I was angry as hell, but above all... I missed you,” Cole hiccuped, covering his eyes anew. “I missed you so much. I needed you. I still need you. That day it had been like loosing both of you in one single blow. I simply... want you back. I want you to b-be happy and proud of me. I love you dad. And if it means I have to be a dancer, then I...”

Whatever Cole wanted to say, it never came out. He gasped in surprise as he felt his father's body crash against his, embracing him as he shook like a leaf in a storm.

“Hush. Don't you dare say that,” whispered Lou, his hands gripping hard the noiret's jacket and starting to sob loudly. “I'm sorry Cole. I'm so, so sorry...” he panted on his son's chest.

The initial shock passed and this time Cole tightly hugged his father back, a new wave of tears strolling down his cheeks.

“I love you too Cole. I... I-I'm sorry,” he continued in between sobs.

“Shh...” The noiret began to rub his father's back with his large hands warily. “It's... it's okay dad...”

“No, Cole. It's not okay,” Lou withdrew a little, to meet those amber eyes he always dreaded. He let himself really look into those eyes for the first time in years. He reached out for Cole's cheeks with both hands, thumbs brushing his tears away.

“I've been so selfish. I couldn't... I could not...” He stuttered, fighting against his laboured breath before resuming. “You... you resemble your mother so much and you reminded me of her every day. I couldn't bear it at the time. I don't have excuses.” Cole trembled under his touch, his heart thumping loud and fast in his chest. “And I'm ashamed to realize that what I considered to be lost forever is in fact still here with me. In you, and in my heart. I'm sorry that it took so much time to realize... that she's still with us.”

Cole bit his lower lip down as a new strong wave of emotions hit him hard, urging him to pull his father into another hug so he could close his eyes and hide his face for a while. Lou slipped again his arms around his son. They remained like that for who knows how much time.

“I will always be proud of you Cole,” spoke out Lou when it seemed that both of them had quieted down, ready to face the other delicate topic Cole brought out. “Of course I was happy to know you wanted to carry on with our family tradition, but... you don't have to do it for my sake, Cole. I'm sorry I didn't understand sooner that you were feeling like this,” he trembled again, however forced himself to continue. “It's deplorable how I pushed you into thinking I would not be at your side if you didn't. I love you. No matter what path you choose for yourself, as long as you are happy so will I. Screw ballet.”

Cole shot his eyes open as he heard his father's last words and then chuckle. His mouth hung open, the noiret couldn't compute the words 'screw' and 'ballet' put together and coming out from Lou's lips at the same time. That for sure stopped his tears from flowing out. He stepped back a little, to study his father who only chuckled harder seeing his bewildered expression.

“W-What?” His voice came out funny because of his clogged nose.

“I said, screw ballet,” Lou repeated louder squeezing the noiret's shoulder.

Cole blinked once, twice, the meaning of those words had to struggle a bit before sinking in. The more realization dawned upon him, the lighter he felt. Confusion left his features. He didn't want to cry again, but the tears just didn't stop. He hadn't to feel guilty for being too similar to his mother any more. He didn't have to meet his father's expectation because he would always be proud of who he already was. He felt too many emotions he couldn't wrap his mind around them in one go. Only one thing was sure in that blurring whirlwind: he had reunited with his father.

“D-Dad I... I,” he couldn't talk.

A soothing hand reached his face, matching an as much soothing smile.

“Shh. It's okay,” said his father.

The next day, Cole called the ballet company he was meant to work for and quitted. In the afternoon he was standing in front of the rock-climbing gym, the very sight of it lifting up his soul. He stared at it for a while before entering.

This time, instructor Wu looked up at him immediately.

“Have you found your true potential?”

“Yes,” answered Cole, with no hesitation. “And I was wondering if I could teach others to climb up mountains.”

“It seems you also have found your strength,” Wu nodded, a satisfied smile on his lips.

<><><><><>

The back door of the black Jeep slammed shut, after Cole put inside Jay's backpack. The noiret moved to the front, opening the passenger door and gently slipping his boyfriend inside. He remained there leaning on the frame of his car.

“Still think I've grown weaker?” He asked him with a proud smile on his lips.

Jay pouted and stuck out his tongue, which had a light shade of orange because of the bubble tea. The noiret giggled, bending in to give him a kiss.

“C'mon, let's go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is so much I'd like to say about this chapter, but I won't. I wrote more than enough xD  
> Let's only say that Cole is my favourite character, I love him so much <3  
> I will share though the many titles this chapter had while I was writing it down, which are "Jay is a walking meme and that's the tea fite me / Idiots in love / How can they be so adorable together? / Send help / How did it end up with Cole's past? I need a tissue"  
> Thanks to all who are reading, leaving comments and kudos, you keep me stay motivated :3


End file.
